Hi, I'm Charles, and I'm diabetic.

[kitsap_charles]

Shit.

It's not something I ever really thought I'd be able to avoid, since my father's diabetes manifested when he was 47. I actually thought it would have shown up sooner; I'm 54 and I don't take very good care of myself, medically speaking.

Or rather, haven't been taking care; it looks like that's got to change now.

I was seven when Dad got sick. I don't know what Mom had to do to get him to go to the doctor, but he'd gotten to the point of carrying orange jelly candy with him all the time. Like me, he put it off as long as he could— and I wouldn't have gotten a diagnosis except I took River in for her biweekly followup, and she'd gotten me to agree to a couple of finger-stick glucose tests last week. When her doctor heard what my glucose level was, he said it was definite; the only question was whether I'd slipped into Type II (Adult Onset) diabetes or somehow had lost pancreatic function and developed late Type I diabetes instead. (IOW, whether my body's ignoring the insulin I produce [Type II] or I'm not producing any/enough to be used [Type I].)

I watched my dad deteriorate for seventeen years. I watched him lose his strength, lose his teeth, lose his livelihood. He was a smoker, which contributed to his heart attacks; fortunately, I've never succumbed to that particular vice. Eventually, he started showing signs of losing some of his mental faculties. I think it may have been a blessing that he died when he did, before he'd lost too much.

He died alone. Mom had fallen asleep on the sofa and Dad went to the toilet; he may have had a mild heart attack or stroke en route, as he'd soiled himself slightly. Possibly he strained too hard, or possibly his body just quit on him. I'll never know.

I heard about it from their minister. My then wife and I had lived in the apartment downstairs form them, and we had just that week moved across town because Mom had been too domineering and clingy for too long. We hadn't even given them our new phone number. She called the minister, he called us. I broke every speed limit crossing town.

I still have strong feelings of guilt about that; if we hadn't moved, might we have heard Dad cry out or fall, and perhaps have been able to get help in time to save him? I'll never know.

Somebody once said that we rebel against our parents, until we become them. I embraced my intellect because my father was a laborer; I was the first person in my family ever to go to college, and thirty-six years later I still cannot forgive my parents for turning down a scholarship offer to the University of Chicago because the school was in the wrong part of the city and (I quote my mother) "the nigras might cut me". It's taken me most of those three-plus decades to realize that honest physical labor is nothing to be ashamed of, that emotions are at least as important as dry ideas, and that I should have paid more attention then to what I still don't know enough about now.

I'm not my father, but one more parallel between us just became manifest today.

I'm Charles, and I'm diabetic.

Comments

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm River, and (as you well know, my beloved) I too am diabetic.

We will deal with this together, and support each other in managing our diabetes. I think we'll be better off as a team than each of us would be alone, and I honestly think that it got caught fairly early in your case. Certainly you haven't been subsisting on sugar candy because of being unable to metabolize glucose.

I'm River, and I'm diabetic, and I love you.

[kitsap_charles]

Thank you, my beloved.

I'm being an arsehole about this; I know it, and knowing it makes me feel all the worse.

I'm better today, I'll be better yet tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to thousands of tomorrows with you.

I love you, today and forever.

[5footwave.livejournal.com]

Your post made my eyes fill with tears, and it made me think.
It (and River's response) also reminded me how grateful I am to be acquainted with both of you. I wish you hope and strength as you deal with this issue together.

[cat-herder.livejournal.com]

Charles, a big thing you have going for you is that you don't smoke. That's so bad for your circulation, that it can exacerbate anything else going on.

Since both of you need to do the same thing to stay in tippy top shape, it will be an easier road to follow than if it was just one of you.

[kitsap_charles]

As riverheart pointed out, together we have resources that neither of us have alone— not the least of which is each other's support and love.

[pondside.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear it. D found that being diagnosed as Diabetic was much more frightening to him than all the previous issues with blood pressure and stroke and heart attack that run in his family.

Take good care of each other and make good decisions.

hugs

[kitsap_charles]

Well, my mom had high blood pressure but lived well into her nineties, so at least I've got longevity on one side of my family. And I'm several years beyond his onset, so that's also a plus.

He went back to work as a construction/steeplejack troubleshooter, slipped while on a high (over 200 feet) scaffold, and messed up his back while catching himself. Destroyed a couple of spinal discs, I think After that, he couldn't exercise without agonizing pain.

I think exercise is a pain, but it looks like I've got to accept the lesser pain to avoid the greater. Given that I know I can work hard if I have to (Summer 2004 at Labor Ready), I can mak this work as well.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you found out while you're still relatively hale. :)

Facing Mortality

[mba500.livejournal.com]

I too feel guilt about my father’s death. Intellectually I know it was not my fault, but a gut level I feel that if I have had greater resources and had my father visit me regularly that would have make sure that he take his annual medical check, thus avoiding the death of an illness that could have easily being cured had it being caught on time.

On the subject of mortality a few months ago I humbly had to recalculate my life expectancy and realized that instead of the additional 40+ I was assuming I would have, I may only have less than 25 years unless I can strategically manage several variables including having significantly higher access to top notch health care.

The upside to all of this is that such confrontation with our own mortality forces us to be better, stay committed to excellence, and live life to the fullest in the clearest ways possible.

Re: Facing Mortality

[kitsap_charles]

We are young,
Wandering the face of the earth,
Wondering what our dreams might be worth,
Learning that we're only immortal
For a limited time
—Rush, Dreamline

It's one thing to have an intellectual concept of mortality, and quite something else to have it shoved in your face. I think this is going to help me appreciate the time I have, and (as you) live each moment fully.

Thank you.

Re: Facing Mortality

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

I was diagnosed just before Samhain 1996. I went to the Samhain ritual at Annwfn that year, where one of the celebrants had called in the Dark Mother. Knowing that I was facing, in real life, my own mortality in a literal way (as you are realizing now), I danced, face-to-face, with the Dark Mother for some time.

It was a profound ritual experience for me. I stood facing she who is Death and Justice, and did not quaver, and did not fail. I have often seen diabetes as a dance with the Dark Mother. Hesitate, or miss a step, and she will take her due; dance on the edge of razorblades, going forward without fear, and you can learn things.

[supergee.livejournal.com]

I was finally diagnosed as diabetic this Fall. I feel better now that I'm not eating all that sugar.

diabetes is *much* more controllable today

[bellatrys.livejournal.com]

than ever before. I know someone who's had type 1 since they were ten, and so I hear a good deal about it. The key is that you have to be willing to control it, just like heart health - but the good news is, it's not anywhere near as hard, and they know so much more about it. It isn't all "don't eat what you like" and impossible routines that make it so much easier to slide into dangerous neglect and/or over-insulining which is what causes the brittle capillaries and thus the side effects of poor circulation etc.

Start with the Joslin Clinic's website, they're one of the best in the country and have a lot of information and programs online, even if you aren't close enough to actually go there.

Re: diabetes is *much* more controllable today

[kitsap_charles]

Joslin has an education center associated with one of Seattle's major hospitals. We'll look into what they've got. Thanks for the link.

[urthlvr.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{charles}}}}}}

i'm sorry to hear this. good luck in making those needed dietary/exercise changes.

[kitsap_charles]

Thank you for the e-hug. I've always hated exercise qua exercise; I'm fundamentally lazy, and in the past I've needed a goal or objective to motivate myself.

How about "staying alive"? Think that'll work for me?

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

If it helps any, (a) this is a fairly well-known, understood, and controllable condition, and (b) they're concerned about me, too.

The exercise is the kicker here, particularly if you're Type II. That's what makes your body less insulin-resistant. It's also, ultimately, what keeps you alive. My grandma on Dad's side had "the sugar" for many, many years, but was sensible about it, took her meds, and walked every day, and, having been born in Aught-Four, drug us around the 1982 World's Fair site like a kid, and was still going at 10:30pm when the fireworks finally went off. But she fell in either late '85 or early '86, and could never exercise much again; by '87 she was dead.

Take care of yourself, particularly your feet... you need your feet to stay alive, and that's the one thing that's particularly vulnerable, from all the literature floating around my endo's office, is your feet. (Frankly, I think you now have an ADA case for mandating the purchase of those shock mats R.C. has been promising for a year now. And if he ignores that, I'll help you sue his ass.)

Nothing to be scared about. Royal pain in the ass? yes. No fear.

[kitsap_charles]

I don't know if I can go walkies when you do each morning, but I'll make time during the day. OTOH, I like to use my lunch time to get off my feet, especially when I can see a brutal afternoon coming up.

I'll talk to P.B. in the morning about the mats.

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

That and the dietician has me on a new routine now, a modified interval training, so...

But, yeah, go bang on PB and see can't we get somewhere...

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Something else I meant to tell you that my dietician told me: When you exercise, *always* do your cool-down period (walk slow or whatever). She says more men die of heart attacks by working out strenuously and then just stopping abruptly... not sure of the mechanism, but I know someone who died that way, in 20/20 hindsight, and I'd rather not know any more who die that way, thanks. :)

Surfed over from <lj user="riverheart">'s journal

[savage-rose.livejournal.com]

You can control your life though, even though you could not control his. You're still okay.

::hugs::

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

((Charles))

As the Shaman above said, take better than excellent care of your extremities, my wolf.
Mudd's uncle suffered many amputations in the last years of his life. That ultimately destroyed his health.

[kitsap_charles]

The Pobble who has no toes
Had once as many as we;
When they said "Some day you may lose them all;"
He replied "Fish, fiddle-de-dee!"
—Edward Lear, "The Pobble Who Has No Toes"

Remind me not to go swimming in the English Channel unless I keep my nose warm, m'dear. And thank you for the hug and kind wishes.

[chaosdancer.livejournal.com]

Sorry about this!! I too don't exercise enough, but now I've arranged my life so I can't help but exercise if I want to go somewhere. It's helping. Is there anything like that you can do? Like, walk to a faraway bus stop every day or something?

If I had to depend on a) having free time to exercise and b) feeling motivated to, I'd never do it. I'm masochistic enough that even when I start feeling better from it, that's not enough to keep me going. But making it so I *have* to do it works. That's the only way I know to cure my Iowa stubborns. :)

{{{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you!! I'm glad they caught it so quickly.

[kitsap_charles]

Well, it's unclear that it's been caught quickly. I haven't been seeing a doctor at all regularly, so this could have been going on for some while. But better now than after a crisis, to be sure.

Thank you.

[elfs.livejournal.com]

Oh, Goddess, Charles. That sucks, but I know you'll be able to take care of yourself. I wish you and River the best with it.

[omahas.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry, Charles. As someone who deals daily with a chronic disorder, I know exactly what you will be dealing with. And the most important things to remember are that your loved ones are your most important resource for help and support, and that you should always take your meds. It is far too easy, especially in the beginning, for people to forget their meds, and once you slip into the habit of doing so, it becomes too easy to just stop.

Hugs and support to you.

[kitsap_charles]

Thank you, m'dear; you are quite correct to remind me that riverheart is my most important source of support. Even more important, I'm hers; my need to be sure that she is all right will fuel my desire to keep myself healthy.

Give my regards to elfs, and big hugs to Yamaraashi-chan and Kouryou-chan for both of us.

your bad news--

[firefly67.livejournal.com]

This does majorly suck, Wolfie, and I'm sorry to hear it. There are things you can do, including some supplements, I believe, that your doc may not suggest. I'm going to ask my friend David, who is disabled, and older than you, who started to develop diabetic symptoms but stopped it from fullblown development, what exactly he has been taking, to keep this thing from happening. He certainly can't exercise very much; he's spent most of the last 30 years in bed & for part of that time he was unable even to walk. He's a serious 'disciple' you might say of Ray Kurzweil & Dr. Terry Grossman's theories/practices on life extension, which include taking specific supplements for specific purposes. David should be able to offer me some concrete info which I will then pass along to you. Meanwhile...you know the drill: stay positive and do what you can to keep the situation under control.

[kyburg.livejournal.com]

Hello, I'm the widow of a type I diabetic.

Walk the dogs - and play with them as much as you can. Stay active. Best self-care I know of.

Join Weight Watchers; and steal menu plans from them. Their exchange system is the easiest one to convert to the ADA plan - and has better recipes.

Find someone wonderful for your primary physician - and don't stop until you find that person. It will be worth the search because he or she will be your very best friend in life. If that person isn't, you need to keep looking. I kept my husband's doctor for my own, even not needing a top-shelf endocrinologist, because he's just That Good. Your doctor will be your health partner - not your jailer, not your boss. Your partner. Don't forget it.

It will be much easier with a household prepared to convert to managing diabetes. SO much easier.

You will find things that work for you - take care not to slip into "this works because I can do what I want " - and really, it doesn't - denial.

You will find things that work for you.

And you can cry and kick the can for three days. That's about the mean for this kind of thing.

Then? Don't let it ruin another day for you, just by being. Nobody has time for that!

And heed the call of Now. All we have is the Now. And if you can, do it Now.

And I am sorry - it's easier not to have to deal with this.

Response from River, Part 1

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Right now Charles does not have any health insurance.

Several months ago, he decided that we could afford health insurance for one person, and that that person would be me. I am diabetic (also Type II) and cannot manage with diet and exercise alone to control my blood glucose; I need medication. I also have genetically-linked high blood pressure that responds somewhat to medication and not at all to diet and exercise alone, 1 1/4 functional kidneys, and I was in such extreme pain from dental abcesses that he said I was turning white. I was doing things like pounding parts of my body into walls to cause pain, to distract from the pain in my teeth. Nonetheless, I managed to hide the pain from him for about three months, because I didn't want him to worry or to do something drastic.

Well, he did the something drastic when he found out. He went to his employer and said we couldn't afford the steep monthly premium for spousal insurance, and would they please put me on the insurance with the employer-covered benefit and take him off? He said they told him they wouldn't ordinarily do that, but because it's him, they would. And did. And he only told me about it after the fact, when it was too late to insist that he make a change.

We are in the situation where if we get medical care, in particular dental care, we can't afford medical insurance. Joining Weight Watchers costs money. Medication costs money, but at least for now, it doesn't look like Charles needs it. I've been insisting on testing him with my meter; he (having just been diagnosed on Saturday) doesn't have one of his own. The good news is that controlling his carbs appears to be the main need for controlling his diabetes, at least for now. If he strictly limits his carb intake (and I have him on a 30g breakfast, 60g lunch, 60g dinner carb allowance, as was initially prescribed to me when I was diagnosed), his numbers are close to NORMAL. Really. 116 fasting (high, but do-able). 131 2 hours after breakfast. 133 2 hours after dinner. I'm already a diabetic. I know how to check this stuff, and we have the tools. If he adds in daily exercise, which he's sworn he's going to do, it will hopefully be manageable, at least for a while.

Response from River, Part 2

[riverheart.livejournal.com]

Yes, he needs to go to the doctor himself, ASAP. I'm insisting on it, too. For now, we do what we must, with what we can and what we have. My medications and the constantly-changing nature of them, because much of what's being tried isn't working, means I am having great difficulty even leaving the house, let alone applying for jobs or engaging in social situations. (Would you hire a woman who had uncontrollable and extremely smelly flatulence every three minutes or so, all day, every day? That's the side effect of one of my diabetes medications [not to mention the five-seven days of constant diarrhea every time the dosage is adjusted], but it's one I have to take because it's a class B and safe to take during pregnancy. We're still trying; I'm not pregnant yet, but my medication regimen needs to account for the possibility. Then there's the combination of blood pressure meds that makes me too dizzy to drive safely and too whack, at times, to even type coherently, let alone think coherently - and I take one three times a day.) I can probably do best with something at which I can work from home, so nobody has to smell my flatulence except the dogs, who don't seem to care.

Things we have going for us: I am diabetic, Type II, and we can encourage each other and watch each other's backs. I am an excellent, knowledgeable, and resourceful cook and make almost everything we eat from scratch ingredients, and there is more I can do if needed. We just bought several books on the glycemic index and the 2006 Cooking Light compendium, which will help greatly with carb control. We hauled out and threw out all foodstuffs and ingredients containing trans fats very early this year, when the trans fats story broke in the New York Times. We eat a diet rich in whole grains like whole wheat, whole rye, whole oats, etc., and are increasing our proportions of vegetables and salads at meals. At least one of us can go to the doctor and since we're both there for my appointment, I was able to raise the glucose numbers questions that got Charles diagnosed on Saturday. I have a meter and I'll share (insist on it, in fact, though Charles doesn't like to poke his finger. I don't either, but too bad for both of us; we'll do it anyway). And the biggest thing Charles has going for him, in my POV, is that carb control and exercise make a sufficient difference in his case to bring his numbers down to where they ought to be, something I have tried many times to do and cannot. If he watches his carbs, and doesn't let himself go hypoglycemic, he'll come out with an A1c of 6% or so. Exercise will bring down his weight (and so will portion control, which he's getting). He's actually in a good situation except for the lack of medical insurance. If we can get his >$400/month commute costs down, that lack can be remedied. If I can work (especially from home) somehow, at something, that lack can be remedied. If I can get a job where nobody minds if I fart all the time and have periodic day-long dizzy spells, that lack can be remedied. I cannot do QA, though; he won't let me due to my extreme burnout.

[pickledginger.livejournal.com]

The Three-hour Diet is supposed to help a lot with Type II diabetes. Basically, you eat within about 40 min. of rising, then don't go more than 3 waking hours, tops, without eating. It helps stabilise blood sugar and reduce insulin resistance, they say.

The carb control, as you say, is huge - and as they've caught his illness so early, his longterm chances probably are a lot better.

Magnesium intake is supposed to be especially crucial for diabetics - and it helps with inflammatory issues. (Also, can help bring down high blood pressure, for which I believe they generally use 700 mg or more per day - but you'd need to work with your MD on that, as meds might need adjusting ... and at that level, you might experience some interesting digestive effects.)

Milk thistle (better known for aiding hepatic metabolism - that is, the liver) helps a bit with inflammatory stuff, and some recent studies have indicated it may be helpful in diabetes.

Have you seen the latest about cinnamon? It apparently helps smooth high-blood-sugar spikes. (An accidental finding of a study on the cinnamon-bun boutiques in malls, whose customers turned out not to have nearly the anticipated glucose levels; wild, eh?)

... Anyway, best of luck to both of you.

... fart all day and have periodic day-long dizzy spells ... Gosh, doesn't that sound fun? I hope you find a more successful combination, one of these days!

[azaz-al.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry.

[pickledginger.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

It's okay - they can do a lot more about it now, and so can you.

(more later!)

Bad news you two will rise above.

[dakiwiboid.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for the bad news, but I'm so glad that you have a strong and experienced wife to help you through this. River knows what to do, and if you can tough it into the diet and exercise routine, and listen to her love, I know you can work your way onto the road of wellness. You'd damn well better, silver wolf! I love you too much to lose you to your errant genes! Be wise and strong and listen to your wife! I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I've been off in my blue funk.