It's been a while...
Sep. 16th, 2002 12:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kitsap_charlesIn fact, it's been a lot longer than I realized since the last time I posted anything.
So I thought I'd catch up with stuff.
On the last day of August I flew to California for visitation with my daughter, Mandy. That was very good; I got an extra day with her because of the Labor Day weekend. (I'd been snarky with her mother about getting that day, and it was worth the hassle.) We went to the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum on Saturday, to the circus on Sunday, and to a big downtown San Jose street fair on Monday. I'd never been to the Egyptian Museum, and I was pleasantly surprised. Think what you will of the Rosicrucians, they take their Egyptology seriously. Their exhibition includes artifacts I'd never seen anywhere else, and a walk-through model of a typical tomb. The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus is still the greatest show on earth, but honestly I wasn't as impressed as I'd've liked. Maybe it's just me, but they could have used more actual acts and less marching around the arena in costumes. We got there early enough to see the animals and watch some closeup clown shows before the main act, which was an extra treat. The street fair turned out to be about 150 vendors, some musical stage acts, numerous food vendors, and two or three things that kids would actually enjoy doing. They made up for it by having little or no shade on a 95-degree day. We did pick up free tickets for a Renaissance Faire next month, so the day wasn't a total loss.
I also got to visit with old friends of mine, found a nice little Hunan restaurant run by the niece of San Francisco's most prominent Hunan chef, and ate sushi that made me sick a couple of days later. It was cheaper to fly back Tuesday evening than on any possible Labor Day flight, so that's what I did.
My lifepartner,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
angilong, spent her Labor Day weekend at a campout sponsored by the sex-positive community center to which we both belong; her exploits are chronicled elsewhere. I had mixed feelings about it; she connected with some good people there, got to do things that she and I wouldn't be doing together, and generally had a marvelous time. She also had sex with a guy she met there, which is why I describe my feelings as "mixed". I understand that she's mostly identified as girl-oriented recently, and frankly I've not been the easiest person to live with-- never mind be attracted to-- while I've been so depressed of late. But it's harder for me when she sleeps with other men, especially when she and I haven't been intimate for an extended period. I keep wondering what's wrong with me, when we used to be so hot for each other.
But later in the week, we (gasp!) Actually Had Sex. And we talked about what's been going on between us, how I've started coming out of my depressive state and begun being a Real Person again, and so things between us are looking better than they have in quite a while.
Also during that week-- the one just after Labor Day-- I met with a guidance counselor at a local community college about participating in a retraining program for "dislocated workers"-- people who aren't likely to return to their previous careers because of drastically reduced demand for those skills, and who can therefore get funding for vocational courses or college certificate programs. And within an hour, I was signed up for a full-time course load, had applied for financial aid, and will be attending classes starting on the 23rd. I'm gonna learn Network Administration.
I also got back to the people at WorkSource, the quasi-governmental organization that administers this funding program. There's still some paperwork to complete, but I think I can get everything done before deadlines.
Friday the 6th is when Tuesday's sushi caught up with me, as far as I can tell. I woke in the wee hours, sick as a dog. (How sick are dogs, really? Where did that simile come from?) Stuff came out of me that I'm sure had never gone in, I almost had outflow from two directions at once, and was literally contemplating the fact that my father died alone while sitting on the toilet, and I didn't want to go the same way. More bouts of lower G.I. Tract distress punctuated the remainder of my Friday, and I was grateful for not having any social engagements that day; Angi went to a women's-only party, had a good time. I chatted withluvlyrita, as I've often done this past month (Hi, sweetheart!) and watched a movie.
Saturday the 7th, I'd planned on meeting some friends but was still feeling dodgy from the previous day's gastric horridness, so I stayed home and didn't even venture out my front door.
Sunday the 8th, Angi and I went to the monthly dim sum that some of our local polyfolk have organized; over two dozen people were there, and an excellent time (and excellent food) was had by all. We rushed home in time for me to run one of my weekly role-playing games, wherein I wrapped up a major plot line with a startling revelation, and enlisted all the characters in conniving at the escape of someone wanted by the church, state, and the magical order to which they all belong. And made them feel happy about doing so, I might add. Angi spent the day out at various functions, including the Seattle Bi Women's Network.
In some ways, the next week (the 9th through the 15th) was horrid, and in others it was outstanding. First the bad parts...
On Monday I broke up with a sweetie. We'd met at a gaming convention about four and a half years ago, fell instantly in lust, tended to ignore boundaries and agreements whenever we were together (or felt deeply frustrated about not giving in to our mutual passion), and overall were hurting each other more than feeling good about ourselves. The last year in particular was especially stressful, and so we parted as friends. I doubt I'll see her again, at least not for a very great while. I actually got all the way home, sixty or so miles on the Interstate, before breaking down in deep racking sobs of sorrow and loss. I'll miss her.
Sleep was problematic all week. I had to take a friend to the airport at oh-dark-thirty one morning, had to stay up until five ack-emma watching one of the girls not do her chores (and listen to her smart-mouth on and off througout the ordeal), and generally felt exhausted non-stop. I didn't really accomplish anything noteworthy, either toward finding a steady job or getting that retraining grant proposal submitted.
On the other hand, one of Angi's playpartners had her babysitter cancel at the last moment, so her little one (about Stormy's age, and a little charmer) stayed with the Darling Daughters on Thursday night, while I went to my other weekly game and Angi went to the regular dance party. Angi's friend and her husband of course had to come home with Angi to collect their sleeping angel, Angi and her friend got playful, her friend's husband and I pulled up some chairs to watch, and I'll say nothing more about the remainder of the night's activities, except that they wrapped up about four in the morning (and the other couple were being collected at 6:30 a.m. to leave for a two-week vacation, and hadn't finished packing. Oh, dear...). Smiles all around, for at least a couple of days.
Friday night inagurated a new party series, which Angi and I attended. It was much better than the previous Friday parties it replaced. Saturday we went to the bi-monthly poly potluck dinner, and I was too tired to stay for the later event that evening so I came home and vegged out chatting with my gamer friends. Today was another gaming day, with a new player joining the group. Tonight I may actually get to sleep at a not too indecent hour. (Looks at clock; no, forget about it...)
This coming week I have to finish the retraining grant proposal, which requires a couple of ten-minute interviews with hiring managers (or HR people) at companies likely to need the skills I'll be learning. I've already made several calls, been shunted onto voicemail, and never gotten a response. Now it's time to get a little pushy.
I've also got to make some headway on an off-shift or part-time job to help make ends meet when unemployment runs out, presuming there are no more federal extensions (Washington state's unemployment is so high, we qualify for a post 9/11 program called TEUC, which continues unemployment compensation beyond the time it would normally expire; I've already received two such extensions, and nobody can say whether there'll be another.)
So overall I'm feeling better about most stuff, although I've still got a long way before I could call myself truly happy about my life. Angi and I are talking about problems and dealing with issues, except when we don't. I'm trying to get out of the doldrums, job-wise, except when I'm not. And life goes on.
So I thought I'd catch up with stuff.
On the last day of August I flew to California for visitation with my daughter, Mandy. That was very good; I got an extra day with her because of the Labor Day weekend. (I'd been snarky with her mother about getting that day, and it was worth the hassle.) We went to the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum on Saturday, to the circus on Sunday, and to a big downtown San Jose street fair on Monday. I'd never been to the Egyptian Museum, and I was pleasantly surprised. Think what you will of the Rosicrucians, they take their Egyptology seriously. Their exhibition includes artifacts I'd never seen anywhere else, and a walk-through model of a typical tomb. The Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus is still the greatest show on earth, but honestly I wasn't as impressed as I'd've liked. Maybe it's just me, but they could have used more actual acts and less marching around the arena in costumes. We got there early enough to see the animals and watch some closeup clown shows before the main act, which was an extra treat. The street fair turned out to be about 150 vendors, some musical stage acts, numerous food vendors, and two or three things that kids would actually enjoy doing. They made up for it by having little or no shade on a 95-degree day. We did pick up free tickets for a Renaissance Faire next month, so the day wasn't a total loss.
I also got to visit with old friends of mine, found a nice little Hunan restaurant run by the niece of San Francisco's most prominent Hunan chef, and ate sushi that made me sick a couple of days later. It was cheaper to fly back Tuesday evening than on any possible Labor Day flight, so that's what I did.
My lifepartner,
angilong, spent her Labor Day weekend at a campout sponsored by the sex-positive community center to which we both belong; her exploits are chronicled elsewhere. I had mixed feelings about it; she connected with some good people there, got to do things that she and I wouldn't be doing together, and generally had a marvelous time. She also had sex with a guy she met there, which is why I describe my feelings as "mixed". I understand that she's mostly identified as girl-oriented recently, and frankly I've not been the easiest person to live with-- never mind be attracted to-- while I've been so depressed of late. But it's harder for me when she sleeps with other men, especially when she and I haven't been intimate for an extended period. I keep wondering what's wrong with me, when we used to be so hot for each other.But later in the week, we (gasp!) Actually Had Sex. And we talked about what's been going on between us, how I've started coming out of my depressive state and begun being a Real Person again, and so things between us are looking better than they have in quite a while.
Also during that week-- the one just after Labor Day-- I met with a guidance counselor at a local community college about participating in a retraining program for "dislocated workers"-- people who aren't likely to return to their previous careers because of drastically reduced demand for those skills, and who can therefore get funding for vocational courses or college certificate programs. And within an hour, I was signed up for a full-time course load, had applied for financial aid, and will be attending classes starting on the 23rd. I'm gonna learn Network Administration.
I also got back to the people at WorkSource, the quasi-governmental organization that administers this funding program. There's still some paperwork to complete, but I think I can get everything done before deadlines.
Friday the 6th is when Tuesday's sushi caught up with me, as far as I can tell. I woke in the wee hours, sick as a dog. (How sick are dogs, really? Where did that simile come from?) Stuff came out of me that I'm sure had never gone in, I almost had outflow from two directions at once, and was literally contemplating the fact that my father died alone while sitting on the toilet, and I didn't want to go the same way. More bouts of lower G.I. Tract distress punctuated the remainder of my Friday, and I was grateful for not having any social engagements that day; Angi went to a women's-only party, had a good time. I chatted with
luvlyrita, as I've often done this past month (Hi, sweetheart!) and watched a movie.Saturday the 7th, I'd planned on meeting some friends but was still feeling dodgy from the previous day's gastric horridness, so I stayed home and didn't even venture out my front door.
Sunday the 8th, Angi and I went to the monthly dim sum that some of our local polyfolk have organized; over two dozen people were there, and an excellent time (and excellent food) was had by all. We rushed home in time for me to run one of my weekly role-playing games, wherein I wrapped up a major plot line with a startling revelation, and enlisted all the characters in conniving at the escape of someone wanted by the church, state, and the magical order to which they all belong. And made them feel happy about doing so, I might add. Angi spent the day out at various functions, including the Seattle Bi Women's Network.
In some ways, the next week (the 9th through the 15th) was horrid, and in others it was outstanding. First the bad parts...
On Monday I broke up with a sweetie. We'd met at a gaming convention about four and a half years ago, fell instantly in lust, tended to ignore boundaries and agreements whenever we were together (or felt deeply frustrated about not giving in to our mutual passion), and overall were hurting each other more than feeling good about ourselves. The last year in particular was especially stressful, and so we parted as friends. I doubt I'll see her again, at least not for a very great while. I actually got all the way home, sixty or so miles on the Interstate, before breaking down in deep racking sobs of sorrow and loss. I'll miss her.
Sleep was problematic all week. I had to take a friend to the airport at oh-dark-thirty one morning, had to stay up until five ack-emma watching one of the girls not do her chores (and listen to her smart-mouth on and off througout the ordeal), and generally felt exhausted non-stop. I didn't really accomplish anything noteworthy, either toward finding a steady job or getting that retraining grant proposal submitted.
On the other hand, one of Angi's playpartners had her babysitter cancel at the last moment, so her little one (about Stormy's age, and a little charmer) stayed with the Darling Daughters on Thursday night, while I went to my other weekly game and Angi went to the regular dance party. Angi's friend and her husband of course had to come home with Angi to collect their sleeping angel, Angi and her friend got playful, her friend's husband and I pulled up some chairs to watch, and I'll say nothing more about the remainder of the night's activities, except that they wrapped up about four in the morning (and the other couple were being collected at 6:30 a.m. to leave for a two-week vacation, and hadn't finished packing. Oh, dear...). Smiles all around, for at least a couple of days.
Friday night inagurated a new party series, which Angi and I attended. It was much better than the previous Friday parties it replaced. Saturday we went to the bi-monthly poly potluck dinner, and I was too tired to stay for the later event that evening so I came home and vegged out chatting with my gamer friends. Today was another gaming day, with a new player joining the group. Tonight I may actually get to sleep at a not too indecent hour. (Looks at clock; no, forget about it...)
This coming week I have to finish the retraining grant proposal, which requires a couple of ten-minute interviews with hiring managers (or HR people) at companies likely to need the skills I'll be learning. I've already made several calls, been shunted onto voicemail, and never gotten a response. Now it's time to get a little pushy.
I've also got to make some headway on an off-shift or part-time job to help make ends meet when unemployment runs out, presuming there are no more federal extensions (Washington state's unemployment is so high, we qualify for a post 9/11 program called TEUC, which continues unemployment compensation beyond the time it would normally expire; I've already received two such extensions, and nobody can say whether there'll be another.)
So overall I'm feeling better about most stuff, although I've still got a long way before I could call myself truly happy about my life. Angi and I are talking about problems and dealing with issues, except when we don't. I'm trying to get out of the doldrums, job-wise, except when I'm not. And life goes on.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
wahoo!
Re: wahoo!
Date: 2002-09-16 10:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-16 01:22 am (UTC)Heh. Consider yourself lucky, I think she's hiding from me...
But it's harder for me when she sleeps with other men, especially when she and I haven't been intimate for an extended period.
(nods) I'm sympathetic... this is a persistent problem for me as well, regarding LDRs... it would be even more painful if it was local.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-16 04:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-16 12:35 pm (UTC)I'm happy for you, except when I'm hoping things get better. ;-) (Hugs offered.)
Re:
Date: 2002-09-16 12:39 pm (UTC)